How to Stop Avoiding Difficult Conversations
Who is the most “difficult person” you work with? Someone who is disrespectful, makes rude comments during meetings, is constantly late on deadlines, the list goes on. For many of the leaders we train and coach, that person is a colleague. For some, it’s a direct report. For others, it’s their supervisor. No matter who it is, the common thread that we notice is the tendency to avoid a conversation with them. As humans, we hate conflict and facing discomfort, vulnerability, or uncertain outcomes. Here are some of the most common reasons tough conversations get avoided, as well as reasons why we think you should have them anyway:
Reasons for avoiding vs. Reasons to have the conversation anyway:
It will put our relationship at risk. Without genuine honestly, the relationship is already at risk.
It could backfire and get worse. The problem will get worse if you don’t communicate promptly.
It would take too much time. If you wait, ultimately it will take much more time to sort things out.
Recently, we’ve been hearing another reason: “I should have brought this up sooner.” If that’s you, you’re not alone. Even if the problem with that person has been occurring for 3 months, 6 months, or 2 years, it’s not too late! We encourage you to own it. Open up the conversation with a vulnerable stance, saying something like: “You know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for a while. I really should have brought it up months ago. I want to own that, and I really want to hear your perspective on ____ (e.g., this project) and share some ideas I have as well so we can get on the same page…” If you own your part in a workplace conflict or issue, the other person is more likely to own their part in it too. Owning it does not show weakness; it shows strength!
All this being said, there are times when a conversation is not the right move. For example, if that person has been harassing you or breaking a policy; those are times for formal HR notification processes. But for everything else, be bold to initiate a difficult conversation and watch as your work relationships transform. Want to know more? We love to coach leaders through our step-by-step approach.
—Corrie Napier, Principal Consultant
